Bilingualism Goes on Vacation
What can you do when relatives and friends back home test your bilingual children’s language skills?
Or worse, compare them to monolingual children? Here are some thoughts!
School is over, and we’re all ready for the holidays. Some people choose an exotic destination, while others want to return home, maybe to see distant friends and family. And so begins the adventure of the bilingual child on vacation!
The other day I was talking with a Spanish friend. She’s been living abroad for many years now, and her oldest daughter started school this year, in English. Like every year, this friend returns to her home country to see her parents and some friends. Our conversation really made me think, so I decided to share these reflections here inThe Multilingual Garden.
Every time you go back home and meet monolingual friends and family, there’s a big risk of running into that ugly beast, yes, ugly, and it can hurt a lot. It’s called COMPARISON. Some people call it making parallels, which might sound nicer, but the point doesn’t change.
My friend’s mother started making comments, maybe you’ve heard them too:
“You know, so-and-so’s daughter can already read! Don’t they teach reading at your daughter’s school? She seems to struggle a bit...”
“Have you noticed she can’t pronounce the ‘s’ properly? I think you should have that checked out!”
“Hey, did you know she doesn’t know how to say pencil sharpener? This whole bilingual thing is probably doing her more harm than good!”
“She doesn’t understand what I’m saying! She doesn’t answer! She doesn’t know [language x]!”
Another thing that often happens is “testing” your child’s language skills, with questions like:
“So, can you tell me a word in German?”
“How do you say this in English?”
“Come on, let me hear how well you speak Chinese!”
As if the bilingual child were some kind of circus act, ready to perform at any time and in any place.
Does that seem nice to you?
Not to me!
And it’s definitely not necessary.
So, what can you do?
First of all, take a deep breath!
Ommmm!
My friend and I talked about it at length and decided it might be helpful to follow a few tips:
1) Remember that monolinguals think like monolinguals, don’t blame them for it!
They’ve lived their entire lives with one language! What do they know about growing up with two, three, or even four languages at the same time?
At the end of the day, they’re often just worried because they don’t really understand what bilingual kids need. Or, on the flip side, they think you can learn a language in just a few months and, confident in their beliefs, feel entitled to “test” your little learners!
2) Sometimes it helps to calmly explain that learning multiple languages simultaneously is a long-term, actually, very long-term, project!
There are ups and downs, and it’s normal to have different levels of competence in the languages we know, because so many factors influence language development.
One of these is time: how many hours a week does the child actually spend hearing and using that language? If a child goes to school in another language, it’s easy to see that the family might be their weaker language, they hear and use it very little!
Feel free to explore other resources about bilingual language acquisition on this blog, such as this short video about multilingual language development.
3) Other times, it’s really helpful to hear stories from people who grew up with more than one language to understand that bilingualism doesn’t create problems or difficulties.
It’s just another way of living life.
In short, what I’d want to say to my friend’s mother is that comparisons don’t help at all!
It would be much better to appreciate the fact that her granddaughter is growing up with more than one language. This will give her enormous advantages throughout her life, not just for work or study.
She’ll be a citizen of the world, an open-minded person ready to embrace (linguistic) diversity!
She’ll be able to move confidently between (at least) two cultures, notice the differences between the two worlds she lives in, and turn them into her strengths! In these cases, praise is better than criticism.
“The first great poison in our lives is comparison.”
I’ll leave you with this quote from another dear friend of mine. She’s a very wise person, and I admire her so much.
And what about you? How do you handle bilingualism during the holidays?
Want to Go Deeper? A Resource for Your Journey
If these reflections resonate with you, if you've ever felt the weight of comparisons, the doubts about "doing it right," or the joy of seeing your child use multiple languages, I invite you to keep exploring this important topic.
My book, Watch Your Language, Mom! A Guide to Multilingualism, brings together over ten years of experience working with families and educators across cultures. Inside, you'll find not only research-based insights but also real stories, practical strategies, and compassionate guidance designed to help you make confident choices for your family.
Raising multilingual children isn't always easy, but with the right understanding and support, it can be one of the most rewarding journeys you'll ever take.
If you're ready to dig deeper and feel more equipped, I’d be honored to accompany you on your multilingual parenting journey. 💛
